Have you ever noticed when you have the most stuff to do is when your baby is the least co-operative? I swear everytime I am stressed because of all the crap I have to get done Brooklyn does not want to go for a nap and wants to cry about everything for no reason. Well, that's wrong, there is a reason, I am not with her constantly. I swear, the other day I had to put her on the floor outside the bathroom so I could go pee without her crying. I know I should just let her cry it out but there is only so much crying you can handle until all you want is quiet. Don't get me wrong I have a wonderful baby and she is content 80% of the time, which is amazing for a baby but, she picks some of the worst times to be cranky sometimes.

Mute

Have you ever wondered how long it had been since you last spoke a word out loud or to anyone? I go on these temporary jobs once in awhile, they will give me my direction and then I go to work and do not say a word to anyone and just work my butt off to make a good impression. While I am working I think a lot about the things that have happened lately, things that are bothering me and once in awhile I will think to myself, "wow, I haven't talked in a really long time, who was the last person I even talked to?". Sometimes I will even say something out loud to myself just to hear my voice, to reassure myself that I can still speak. Once in awhile it makes me sad to think, I got ready all morning without saying one word, drove here without saying anything or singing to a song and then I do my work generally without saying anything.

When I was little I was very shy and people used to bug me by joking around by saying things like, "would you shut up, I can't get a word in edge wise", which generally when someone says that to me, its me that can't get the word in edge wise.

I find it very funny that some people take people's quietness or shyness as being a snob. I was once told that some people that I had met for a total of maybe ten minutes thought I was a snob and it blew me away that someone could think that. People never think that I am just shy or that I am just listening and don't have anything to say or even that I am not comfortable with being myself around these people yet.

Its really hard to be shy or quiet and show people that you are not being a snob and are really a nice person. Sometimes even when I don't feel comfortable being outgoing with a group yet I do it anyway just so that they wont think anything negative about me.

You are not alone... we'll get lost together

It has been the most insane weekend ever. I really trust that everything happens for a reason and it seems that me losing my job when I did was good timing.

Last week was a really lazy week filled with me and Christina hanging out and getting drunk twice, watching moves, cleaning the house and lounging.

I am doggy sitting right now and it is really nice. I really want a dog really badly but unfortunately up until recently Darryl and I's schedule did not allow it. I took Jazz for a walk a little while ago but she is a pain in the butt because she barks at everyone we pass and I always feel really bad. She would never bite anyone or anything but when she barks she scares people.

Went for lunch with the girls today. It was really nice to see them again since I hadn't seen them since I got canned. We went to Kelsey's and had bad food and bad service, not a good combo. Other than that it was really nice catching up and getting a reminder that they care and miss me. Any other time I have tried to keep friends after I leave a job, it never works, we both get wrapped up in our own lives to put energy into making it work.

Here I am playing with my web cam and the features Christina showed me. Thanks sis!

Have a great day all! Show that snow it can't get us down!

its a wonderful life

So I lost my job yet again. I am pathetic, I know. Trust me I know what you all must be thinking but I really am not a terrible employee, I just get in fucked up situations and I end up getting fucked. So I am trying to re-evaluate my life and figure out what I want to do and what I need to do in order to get there. I am really dreading telling Darryls parents, I don't want them thinking that he is dating a loser or something. No matter how many jobs I lose I always work my ass off to find another so, you can consider me working my ass off now.

I am really looking forward to this weekend, the most important people in my life (minus Darryl) are getting together with me on Saturday and we are looking for wedding dresses and possibly brides maid dresses. I know its ridiculously early but I want to and thats all that matters. We are also going to be taking a look at the hall so everyone can I have an idea in their head what it looks like and thus help me with decorating ideas.

I am going crazy trying to find a church. The one I wanted more then anything was under construction in July so we moved the wedding date to the last weekend in June and they only have 1pm open. I was heart broken when I heard this. I found another church right around the corner that was really nice as well but after going there to meet the minister on Sunday I find out that it does not have a center aisle. I know this may not seem like a big deal but to me it is, well it is and it isn't, if its the only church I can find I guess it will be okay. But, its also going to be a tight fit because it is smaller then it looks outside.

Last night Darryl and I stayed up until 3am playing poker and drinking. It was actually a lot of fun and halfway through we did a shot which was scrumptious. Well I have to clarify it was fun until I started getting drunk and started playing worse, so Darryl started winning which made it not fun at all for me, which left me no choicebut to tell him I didn't want to play anymore ... teehee.

Darryl is beside me playing Mario Galaxy which is one of the most fun games ever but, we are close to the end so the levels are impossible so I have to go help him with a level. Have a great work day tomorrow people, I will be thinking of you well I am doing nothing.

an update in the same month as the last one!

I finally picked up my new camera that my mom bought me for my birthday. Everyone I tell asks me when my birthday was and when I tell them December 15th they get really confused. You see, everyone in my family gives gifts early, thats just how we roll. Darryl doesn't know how to play the game at all I love giving and receiving gifts early so much that I promised him a bj if I could give him his birthday gift early...lol...I know I have problems. (his birthday is Dec 8th)

We had Darryls Christmas partys last weekend, it was sooo much fun. They had cirque de soleil perform which was amazing but they had them perform during dinner which was retarded because normally you want to eat during dinner. When it is a huge hall you have to get up to see them perform so I didn't eat much of an already crappy dinner. But other then that I had an awesome time. I had five beers before we left the hotel, drinks were $2 so 13 of those later, I was having a blast. It seems I could never order another one fast enough. It had been awhile since I had partied like that so I was taking advantage of it. The end wasn't too hot though, I didn't quite make it to the toilet when I puked so needless to say I left the maids a little present.

16 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY AND 26 UNTIL CHRISTMAS!! I am so excited! I would like the Jimmy Eat World and the new Foo Fighters cd, thank you!

Facts

The rules: Each player lists 8 random facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 4 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.



1. Every shower I take a time myself, then the next day I try to beat that time. When I shave I still try to beat my time but I do not compare it to days that I didn't shave.


2. I still love my first car a '92 Dodge Shadow and I would trade that car I have now in for one if I could. I actually cried the day it got towed away to a wreckers.

3. I am addicted to smell of anything vanilla or strawberry and depending on how good it smells, I must have it. But, I rarely ever wear anything that smells like either.

4. My fender is my most prized pocession and I am in love with it, however I do not know how to play it nor can I ever find time to learn.

5. I always throw my clothes on the floor. My whole house could be clean but my closet will be a disaster.

6. I adore scary novels. Even though I am scared most nights to be home by myself I love reading novels that scare the shit out of me and make it even harder to be home alone at night.

7. I love socks, summer, spring, winter,fall anytime I love socks and always wear them.

8. Every year since I was young I always bugged my mom to get a real tree and to get it early. I swear I started bugging her at the end of November. Our compromise almost every year was to get a tree the day before my birthday. (I put up my tree last weekend, I love being a grown up)

I never post so I probably have nobody that reads my blog anymore so I tag anyone that is reading this. (other than Christina)

Update

I have been so busy lately that it is insane. Everything with work has been crazy, everyday it seems like there are not enough hours in the day to get everything I need to get done, done. Plus I had a speech I had to memorize that I have not worked on in forever because I was working a lot of overtime and as soon as I got home the last thing I wanted to do was think about work. It is due Thursday and I am stressed right out that I may not have it done. I have always said that I have the worst memory ever and of course the one assignment they give us is to memorize a 5 and a half page script. Lovely is all I have to say.

I had been struggling with a tooth for roughly 3 months taking advil everyday 4 times and now I think my kidneys are screwed. Valerie says that I wouldn't be able to feel it if I did damage to them from the advil but I am a hypocondriac so I think my kidneys are screwed and that I may have internal bleeding. I can't get comfortable sitting down I am in so much pain and its made it really hard to concentrate.

Darryls Christmas party is on November 24th so I have to go shopping to find a new dress for it. I haven't bought a new dress in about 5 years and everytime we have a formal event I wear my sisters beautiful black dress she bought and if I wear it again this year I think some people are going to catch on. "No, every single one of these pictures are at the same event".

My sister is getting married south next year which is pretty exciting. She is getting married at a five star resort which should be pretty sweet. I think it is going to be sooo much fun! Because we are getting married a year later is going to be kind of tight financially but I think it will be worth it.

I have to go and work on my speech again, wish me luck.