I hope I never figure out who broke your heart

Do you ever just sit and think about your life and think, wow I would have never thought I would be here.

When I was in my last relationship, I loved him but I was not in love with him. We got along great and I think that is why we stayed together for so longbecause it was like friends with benefits all the time only I paid for everything. What guy wouldn't stay in a relationship like that. After two years of us being together he told me that he could never see himself marrying me and although I have the same feeling he said it and that makes him the asshole.For some reason even after he made me feel unwanted I continued to date him for another year and a half. During the majority of our relationship I wentout to the bar all they time, flirted, danced with other guys, really just carried on like I was single, only I never crossed the line. He was so layed backwhen it came to that stuff that really I was allowed to do whatever I wanted within reason without him getting jealous. One New Years a guy kissed me and I cried and apologised to him profusely to which he thought it was no big deal. Several times I thought he doesn't care what I do because he is doing someone else on the side anyway. To this day he still denies he did so I guess I will believe him.

Anyway back to what I was getting at, when we broke up I was really upset and I thought I would never get over it but I also found myself sort of relieved and with a new freedom. I thought to myself what if that was as good as it gets, what if that was who I was meant to be with and thatwas as good as it will ever be? I got thinking I could've made it work, thinks weren't THAT bad. After dating dud after dud the more I thought that, thatwas true that I missed out on 'the one'. There were times when we almost got back together but, I realised if that was 'the one' I don't want one, and settled in with the fact that I would be single fora very long time.

I never would have thought at 24 that I would be settled down with someone and own a house. My dad once said to me when I was 12 that I would be the first one to have kids, and at first I took that as an insult but I think he just meant that I had a boyfriend in school at a young age and everythingin life would be the same. Once me and my last boyfriend broke up and my sister was with a long time boyfriend I thought, "boy were you wrong". But now three years later I am thinking he may have been right.