Well its official my dad is a fucking asshole. Now some of you who have the privilege of knowing him might be saying, "where have you been?" I was giving him the benefit of the doubt to tell you the truth. There were a lot of times where I thought I would never be able to forgive him for what a jerk he acts like or how incredibly selfish he is. Over the last little while he has really tried to have a relationship with his daughters and so I have put some more effort to like him as well.

When I was younger my grandfather (my dads dad) died and it made me think about how horrible it would be if my dad died and I had not tried to have a better relationship with him. Then I vowed I would put more effort into our relationship and I did, for a while but he quickly acted like the prick he normally does and my effort quickly faded.

My dad and I really don't have a lot in common, when he lived in New Brunswick for a couple of years and he would call we would end up talking about the weather or something stupid like that. It was actually quite sad that I am his blood and yet I have absolutely nothing in common with him. What pissed me off more is how my boyfriend tries so hard to please him and have things in common with him and he just treats him like shit.

So Fathers Day came and the night before I was in Toronto and didn't get home until 5am so I didn't end up giving my dad a call until 2pm which is when I got up. His answering machine came on so I left him a message wishing him a Happy Fathers Day and that I wanted to get together and have him over for dinner so if he could call me back. No call.....Should I be surprised? No, not really afterall I did mention he is a selfish prick. So here I am worrying about him all week that something horrible happened, and since I am the only daughter that is currently speaking to him I had horrible dreams about him doing something stupid because of being depressed.

Yesterday I called my mom asking if she had spoken with my dad considering it was almost a week since I had left that message and she said she had. What on earth would posses a father to ignore his daughter?! My moms suggestion was that I picked painting my bedroom over him, well me and Darryl have been painting it for over a week since we are on different shifts and we just wanted to get it finished. I have never been top priority in his life so he shouldn't think for a second that he is top priority in my life.

And yet.....I feel guilty.....fuck I hate this.

I am sitting here drinking a beer and damn it tastes so good. I know I look so tired in that pic and to tell you the truth, I am. I have had such a busy week, getting up early everyday and running errands when I get home, I have earned this beer damnit! Teehee.

I went for an interview today and well I thought it went well but it was really weird. They basically just told me about how hard the job would be and what the candidate they were looking for would need and didn't ask me any questions. I tried to highlight things on my resume that shows I have experience in what they are looking for but maybe that just made me sound desperate. All I know is they were supposed to call tonight with their decision or write an e-mail if it is too late and I haven't heard anything so I guess I am not the right candidate. Story of my life.

I can't remember if I mentioned this or not and I am too lazy to go look but where I am working now offered me a job for atleast until the end of the summer. Now it pays relatively well but there is a lot of traveling which I have may have mentioned once or twice..lol.. so I am really not sure what to do. I guess I am going to have to do a lot of thinking this weekend.

I am such a wreck lately. It doesn't help that its "that" time of the month and I am so stressed out. Yesterday I had some good news happen or the potential of good news and I couldn't help but think the worst and get really stressed out, then because I was so preoccupied I almost fell down the stairs and I hurt my knee more so in the process. I hate being like this.

This weekend I am playing in a poker tournament which should be fun. I am more looking forward to seeing my stud muffin. I haven't seen him all week and I am going into withdrawl.
As I was writing this I got a call saying the poker tournament is cancelled but are still going to get together and play some poker and watch the hockey game and then get hammered which should be fun.

I am all out of stuff to say, have a great day all!

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted, I have been super busy and super tired. By the time I get home after having driven an hour to get there all I want to do is eat and veg on the couch. Unfortunately we are doing some home improvements so that is not allowed.

So some of you may be thinking, how do you like the new job? Umm...I don't. Well not true after extremely minimal training I finally know what I am doing so I am a lot more comfortable with everything and am getting better staying busy all day. Everyone I work with but one are very friendly. Really, the only thing I hate is the drive, I seriously wish the job was in my city because they are talking about hiring me on permanently but I could not handle the drive permanently. I have been praying to god every day that I find a job close to home. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I just can't handle the drive anymore.

Last week I had days where I would be doing nothing for two hours straight just trying to find something to do. I would drink a ton of water so that I would have to pee and then I would actually have something to do, thats bad eh?

When I was growing up whenever we didn't want to do something my mom never made us (within reason). Anytime, even now, I tell my mom about how I have to do such and such but I don't want to, her answer is, then don't. Going through hell waking up at an ungodly hour, driving in horrible traffic for an hour if I am lucky, working my day and then driving another hour in horrible traffic if I am lucky home makes me want to quit and just stay on employment insurance until something comes up. The thing of it is though, I am not longer 12 and I have to do things I don't like to do once in awhile, ei hasn't paid me a dime yet and I have been unemployed for 6 weeks now and well with owning a house bills have to get paid. I realise all of this but the urge is still there to stomp my feet and yell, " I DON'T WANNA GO!"

I am up with the birds

It is 6:36am and it is way too early to already be up and ready for work. I got a temporary job that may turn into something more if I am lucky starting today. It is down in the city so I had to get up really early in order to be there on time. I have to work at 8:30 so I was planning on leaving at 7:30 to give me lots of time but I think I might leave at 7:00am so I can stop and get some Timmy's. I was so nervous about today so much last night that I couldn't sleep and just kept thinking about everything that could go wrong.

Last night we went to home depot to pick up some paint and some dry wall for the renovations we are planning on doing this week/weekend. Our bedroom we have decided is going to be painted a dark brown color, I am really hoping it looks good in the end because it is a very bold choice for me. Also the tube that goes from the dryer to outside is not hooked up so we have to take down some drywall in order to fix it, so we had to buy some drywall to patch it up afterwards.

I think thats it for me this morning, I am tired, hungry and nervous and I think I am waking people up with my typing. Have a great day all!

mmm quenchy goodness

Right now I am sitting in stolenswans bedroom waiting for her to finish getting ready so that we can go and do some grocery shopping for her camping trip this weekend. I just used her Quench mosturizer by Oil of Olay and it is soooo good! I have been wanting to try it for a long time but have never gotten the chance and man, I have to buy this stuff. My legs are always really dry to the point where I get rashes and it just made my legs shine with moisture.

I was just talking about rollercoaster with LoLo and how he hates them and always gets pukey afterwards. I seriously think she is missing out big time. Everytime I get in line to go on rollercoaster I get sick to my stomach worried that something is going to happen and that I will die. As soon as I think that I think well my family would get to sue them and get a lot of money, and they don't want to get sued by families so they will make sure nothing happens, and voila no more worrying. lol! Well I still get worried but I think, oh well if I die my family will get to live a nice life with all of the money they get.

This conversation of course got brought on because I am going to a theme park this weekend and cannot wait!

So how do you guys like my new look? I changed my blog on Wednesday I think it was but then it started screwing up and it showed no skin on my blog at all so I had to change it again and I think I really like this one. I am still keeping my eyes open for a better one but this one will do in the meantime.

Have a great weekend everyone!