Well its official my dad is a fucking asshole. Now some of you who have the privilege of knowing him might be saying, "where have you been?" I was giving him the benefit of the doubt to tell you the truth. There were a lot of times where I thought I would never be able to forgive him for what a jerk he acts like or how incredibly selfish he is. Over the last little while he has really tried to have a relationship with his daughters and so I have put some more effort to like him as well.

When I was younger my grandfather (my dads dad) died and it made me think about how horrible it would be if my dad died and I had not tried to have a better relationship with him. Then I vowed I would put more effort into our relationship and I did, for a while but he quickly acted like the prick he normally does and my effort quickly faded.

My dad and I really don't have a lot in common, when he lived in New Brunswick for a couple of years and he would call we would end up talking about the weather or something stupid like that. It was actually quite sad that I am his blood and yet I have absolutely nothing in common with him. What pissed me off more is how my boyfriend tries so hard to please him and have things in common with him and he just treats him like shit.

So Fathers Day came and the night before I was in Toronto and didn't get home until 5am so I didn't end up giving my dad a call until 2pm which is when I got up. His answering machine came on so I left him a message wishing him a Happy Fathers Day and that I wanted to get together and have him over for dinner so if he could call me back. No call.....Should I be surprised? No, not really afterall I did mention he is a selfish prick. So here I am worrying about him all week that something horrible happened, and since I am the only daughter that is currently speaking to him I had horrible dreams about him doing something stupid because of being depressed.

Yesterday I called my mom asking if she had spoken with my dad considering it was almost a week since I had left that message and she said she had. What on earth would posses a father to ignore his daughter?! My moms suggestion was that I picked painting my bedroom over him, well me and Darryl have been painting it for over a week since we are on different shifts and we just wanted to get it finished. I have never been top priority in his life so he shouldn't think for a second that he is top priority in my life.

And yet.....I feel guilty.....fuck I hate this.