our dreams are made up of real things

I never know what to write half the time, sometimes I try to be original, sometimes I just talk about life and other times I want to write exactly what I am feeling at that time on here but can't for fear that whoever I am talking about may read it and get mad. I hate that, I hate that this is supposed to be a place for me and because of people that read it I can't write whatever I want. At the same time I love my readers, to me there wouldn't be much point in having one of these without them. One feature I like about live journal is that you can make your entry public, private or just for your friends to read.

I had a dream last night that I gave birth to a baby boy it was so weird. I was lying there, going into labor, I started breathing and then I started to worry about all the immense pain I was just about to go through and then all of the sudden I felt a sharp pinch and it was over. Darryl and I were very surprised that I just gave birth to a baby because we didn't even know I was pregnant. I called my mom to tell her about it and I apologized for not telling her I was pregnant that i just missed my period and then two weeks later I was giving birth. I had my two sisters with me we were all really excited about it that we decided to go to Value Village of all places to buy some clothes. On the drive over I remember thinking to myself in the dream, how to you have newborns in the car? They are too small for a car seat, if I carry him if we get into an accident he wont be safe, so while I am thinkingthis the place I have my son in the car keeps changing. For instance, he is in the car seat and I am driving along and then oh he is too small for a carseat so next scene I am in the back carrying him etc. It was so weird having a son after only suspecting I was pregnant for two weeks but in my dream I still loved it. When I told both of our parents they were ecstatic but kind of confused that I didn't know I was pregnant. lol!

I have no idea what having this dream means, Darryl and I have been torn on the whole issue, on one hand we would love to have a child, it would makeour parents so happy and we both love kids. Then on the other hand I like having the freedom to go wherever I want whenever I want, we never haveto worry about a babysitter, as it is at the end of the day I am beat never mind having to work all day come home, make dinner, take care of the baby,clean etc. Plus in case any of you hadn't noticed our world is really fucked up, and I am just not sure I want to bring a child into it. We are also throwing around the idea of adopting because it gives a child an opportunity that they wouldn't normally have and I can't imagine my parents decidingthey didn't want me or weren't ready for me and just leaving me all alone. Darryl thinks that the reason we can't decide whether to have kids or not because we are both still young and not ready for them, he thinks once we are 28/29 we will know for sure that we either do or do not want kids.

I guess time will tell and we should probably work on getting married before we worry about whether to have kids or not.